How life transitions feel today

It has been over a year since Sr. Dianne and I moved from Saginaw, MI, to our new residence with the Wheaton Franciscan Sisters in IL. I find myself in limbo, not here and not there. Sometimes I don’t know where I am.

Time and place are the ways I used to orient myself. During other times of change, they did resolve themselves over time. I’m not finding that grounding right now.

Do you remember your first life transition? Perhaps a memorable one for many of us was moving out of our parents’ home, whether to school or independent living. We navigated this break from the past and established patterns to accomplish our desire for change.

Another major transition for me was going to college. I worked for a few years first and then started school. I moved from working a structured five-days-a- week job to three classes per week with assignments done during my own time. It was an adjustment of finances, culture, and time management. It took me the first semester (12 weeks) to work through deadlines and new behaviors to accomplish my goals.

I would go on to make other life changes, such as moving to Chicago to study, living overseas, entering religious life, moving to Saginaw from Minneapolis, MN, and now to Wheaton, IL. All these moves brought new goals as well as challenges.

As I look back on these transitions, I managed them quicker and better than I do now. I don’t know if it’s my age or knowing this may be my last move, but the pace feels different.

Certainly, one thing that is different from my other moves is my age. I still have strength but not as much endurance. I work in shorter stretches. Sometimes it takes me longer to finish a project than it used to.

I usually blame the computer and its never-ending updates: “Stop changing how things work!” is my immediate response. I learned on a desktop and now everything can allegedly be done on my phone with its tiny screen that my eyes have trouble reading.

Another major change: health care. Now I have to learn about bifocals and progressive lenses, arthritis, knee replacements, and, oh yes, the fear of falling.

Please don’t think that everything about this move is unsettling for me because my new environment is very welcoming. Living with other sisters in community who share similar values is a soul-enriching comfort. Sharing meals and conversations is stimulating and engaging. Having help with maintenance issues is a relief.

At the core is new relationships, which take time to create. I realize how much I miss the relationships I created in the past. Many of these relationships I still have and the friends who have died live deeply inside me. There is a part of me that is still seeking them to talk to about this move for their insights and comfort.

I do look forward to the death of my body, but not all that comes before that. And I do realize this body has to weaken and age so I can let her go. However, I have a sense of my soul that is ageless, that believes there is a place in the universe and the heart of God for me to return to.

Awe: that may be the transition I am preparing for, knowing that this life is full but temporary.